I've decided to bring it back. Due to a couple people's demand, I proudly bring you the Jerk Report. It's very simple to explain: People are jerks. They are everywhere and in every corner of the earth. I feel it best to call out the ones who stand out, and one "Creep of the Week." No one is safe from this Report, not even me.
3) Even though it's the 3rd week of 2013, the news is still being reported on a daily basis throughout the world and I feel that it needs to be added to this list. No two have made this duo impact since Thelma and Louise took those police officers on a long chase only to end things by driving off a cliff (although I do wish that these two I'm reporting do the same). I'm talking about Kanye West and Kim Kardashian for quite possibly the two world's worst people having a baby together. A human baby. That's not exactly the best way to start a new year for the world, and the news will never end until it turns 18. How dare you two for bringing such a future abomination to the world! Thanks to the two of you, more air is going to taken and space to be wasted. Jerks!
2) Jimmy Savile. Not only are you British, but you sexually assaulted lots of children and probably some teenagers and maybe adults for over 60 years. That's one of the worst crimes one can commit on this planet. Where do you come off getting all powerful thinking that you'd be able to get away with it? You probably thought yourself as a god like General Doucher (Sinclair) and could get away with forced sodomy. I don't have to worry about you not going to jail or anything like that, since the law will make sure of that, unlike General Doucher who will simply walk away with his retirement pay. Jerk.
By the way, E-3 and below on Okinawa: stand by.
1) Flu, I'm calling you out because you're causing a lot of panic back home! I'm seeing maps of states that have been affected by you and blown out of proportion by the news. First it was Sandy, then the Mayans, then Kanye and Kim, now it's you. Actually, if you can get to those two I will take you off as number 1 this week. We can make a deal, just have your people call my people or send me a tweet. Anywho, you're a jerk flu for scaring and getting the world's greatest nation in the history of the world sick!
So that brings us to the Creep of the Week: This one was fairly easy to choose: Lance Armstrong. It's not because of his doping back when he was in the Tour de France or lying about doping to the world ever since. The reason why is because the headlines about him is about considering coming clean for the doping. Then deciding to admit to the doping. Then to plan to talk about the doping. Just get to it! You're sponsors have pulled back, and the rest (if any) will do the same soon. You've already been stripped of your 7 Tour de France titles. So call a news conference and a tons of reporters can ask you questions about it. Don't make the world wait for what we already know. The sooner you talk about it, the sooner people will forget. Therefore, you sir are the Creep of the Week.
So that's about how the Jerk Report goes. If any of my 3 readers would like for me to call anyone out for you (and I seriously don't care who it is) on my Report, let me know and maybe you'll one day see them in a future post. Or you might find yourself on the list :P
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